Satire: New Pokémon Club Persevering in the Face of a Pandemic

Pokémon Cards. Photo source: Today's Parent.

Despite the setbacks brought upon by COVID-19, a new club revolving around the popular trading card game known as “Pokémon” has appeared at WCI. 

Thanks to the strong efforts of this group of students and teachers, these cards have been seeing a resurgence around the school, despite them being banned from most schools in the mid-2000s.

Mr. Sukizo, a science teacher at WCI and the President of the Pokémon Fan Club, claimed that “Now is the perfect time for Pokémon to make a comeback. Most of my colleagues who were around when it first became popular are either retired or burned out.”

Mr. Knight, WCI’s photography teacher of 27 years, had this to say about Sukizo’s words: “He called us burned out? Huh. Are we done now? Is the interview over?”

Sukizo has been at the head of the club since its inception 20 minutes ago, along with the help of Brendan B., the student leader of the club.

Brendan has been a fan of the franchise for most of his life, and he is very excited to find other people who share the same interest: “Oh yeah, I love Pokémon. It’s really the only thing I think or care about. I could talk about it for hours, and I totally would. We should do that right now! I know, I’ll give you the grand tour of my collection! Let me go get it,” at which point Brendan ran off to grab his collection.

This reporter made his escape through the window before it was too late.

While some members enjoy collecting, the most popular pastime of the club is Pokémon battling: forming decks of cards to compete against each other in one-on-one duels.

Steven S., the captain of the WCI Pokémon Fan Club Trading Card Game Competitive Battle League Team (WCIPFCTCGCBLT), has a deep passion and appreciation for the game. He said, “I have a deep passion and appreciation for the game.”

When asked about how the team has been working around the restrictions surrounding COVID-19, Steven replied, “It’s simple, really. What we do is we meet in the foods room, we run all of our cards through the dishwasher, hold them over the open burners to dry them off, and from then on we only handle the cards while wearing latex gloves.”

However,  not everyone is as enthusiastic about these cards making a return. Mrs. Peevey, for example, is not at all impressed: “I could not be more annoyed that I have to deal with these stupid cardboard doodlings again.”

Other teachers, such as Mr. Witless, do not seem to have noticed: “What is that you’re saying, Pokeemans? What in the name of Sam Hill is a Pokeemans?”

But Sukizo believes strongly that this club is doing good for the school, and he plans on encouraging other schools in the WRDSB to establish similar clubs to this one. 

Above all, Sukizo emphasized that he was proud of the students for being able to make light of a bad situation: “I am in awe of these students’ ability to maintain a good attitude despite the situation. I think these students set an admirable example for the rest of the school […] I am so unbelievably proud of them.”

What the future brings for this club is uncertain, and likely full of controversy, but this reporter intends to report on this story until it dies, which many critics are saying is right about now.

Featured image from iStockPhoto found on Today’s Parent.

Sam Domzella covers news and issues related to arts and culture. He apparently has a knack for comedy, too.