Satire: Fifth Years Worried Improvements will Displace School’s Residents

The back of the WCI building. Photo by Lucy Shellhammer.

Students returned to school on September 11th to find the WCI building under repair: new windows, new lockers, and new chairs in the auditorium. 

After years of uncertainty regarding the fate of the WCI building, the school was finally able to update these small areas, bringing the school closer to the 21st century.

Many students were excited by these changes; however, a select group were not.

Fifth year students have expressed outrage at the sudden updates to the building.

“Where has this money been the last four years?” said fifth year student Mannat S. “When I was in grade 9, we just sat on the floor in the Aud when the chairs were missing.”

New auditorium seating at WCI. Photo by Mr. Chapman.

Over the four years the class of 2020 attended WCI, many seats in the auditorium were missing. The first two rows of seats were almost entirely missing. 

Mannat added, “It was like Russian Roulette but with chairs: you never knew for sure if there would be a seat there. Next thing you know, they’ll want to exorcise the ghosts!”

Fifth year Fatima K. felt similarly. “It was always funny to be in the Aud for school events, like plays and music nights, and watch the parents and guests react to the lack of seats.” She added later, “And I am worried about how Penelope will react to the updates. She’s always been harmless, but never the best with change.”

Another fifth year student, who requested to remain anonymous, spoke about the replaced auditorium seats. They said, “The school has made a grave error updating the Aud. They have incurred the wrath of the spirits of old. Beware!”

Very soon after their interview, the anonymous student retreated into the auditorium. They were followed by FJORD’s interview team, but as soon as they entered, they found that the student had vanished.

Found later, curled up into a ball and rocking back and forth in the back corner of the girls’ dressing room near the back of the auditorium, the student who conducted the interview had only one thing to say. As they were helped out into the foyer, they only repeated, “They’re angry… bad things are coming,” over and over again.

The student has not been back to school since, but sources say they are recovering well.

The old green lockers in the SAC hall. Photo by Lucy Shellhammer.

New lockers were also installed on one floor during this round of repairs.

Former student, Alivia Schill, now studying at the University of Waterloo, said about the updates: “Oh well, the grade 9s just won’t develop the muscle needed to pry open the old lockers.”

Schill cited the puke-green lockers as the reason behind her relationship. “Yeah, I opened my locker so easily in front of this girl, and she was so impressed. We’ve been dating for almost two years now.”

Fifth year Raven G. offered a passing comment on the shockingly blue lockers, telling FJORD she is “glad no more niners will go missing.”

The new lockers on the upper second floor. Photo by Lucy Shellhammer.

Lucy S, a current fifth year student, also shared her thoughts on the new lockers, telling FJORD a story about her grade 12 locker: “When I was in grade 12, my locker was on the lower third floor outside Mme Berndt’s classroom. In first semester, I had to leave class early for a swim meet, and when I went to open my locker to get my bag out, it wouldn’t budge. I kept trying to open it, and finally the entire lever and spring system that closes the doors fell right off onto the floor, and my locker swung open.”

She told FJORD that by the time the custodial staff arrived, she had to leave for her swim meet, and they told her to go to the office in the following days to get a new one. 

She said she later returned to collect a forgotten binder, only to find the locker door warped and seemingly melted. A day later, she says the locker was gone entirely, the numbers jumping past where it had been. After telling the story, she simply shrugged it off, offering only, “The lockers, man. They have minds of their own,” as explanation.

Lucy shared another locker mishap, this time from grade 10. “In grade 10, my locker was in the same hallway, just on the other side. I pulled a book out from the top shelf and suddenly it started raining sunflower seeds. I don’t like sunflower seeds. I don’t know how long they had been up there, but there were so many of them. It was really gross.”

Another former student, Sam C., now at the University of Ottawa, spoke about the new windows that are being put in. FJORD caught him outside the front of the school. “When I first came by to look at them, I just started laughing. They’re too big, so they show the false ceilings.”

While talking he suddenly stopped, and turned to stare over at the windows. Eyes blank, he inexplicably waved in the direction of the third floor. When the FJORD team followed his line of sight, there was no one waving back, but they say there was movement in the exposed darkness above the classroom.

The new windows being installed. Photo by Lucy Shellhammer.

For a very long time, the fate of WCI was uncertain. There were loose plans to tear the building down due to its in-accessibility. By design, the school cannot be made accessible. The split level floors and prevalent staircases make this impossible. 

Because of this, no updates were ever made to the school except to keep students safe from exposure to any asbestos or lead that may have been found from the original construction.

The overall sentiment from the interviewed students seemed to be the same: while the class of 2020 was glad for updates to the original building, they were upset that these decisions were not made years earlier.

And they are worried for the fate of the building’s eerie inhabitants.

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